02/06/05 So God where are we? You walked with me closely during one very odd day. I am not sure where to begin or what this is all is.

I woke early and wrote, got a little nervous sick, so fixed my van.

I wrote a mission statement from art6 exhibition committee that I can present to the group.

As I write, I think of when am I going to do all this and have sex with H------- and A-----. Two women of attractive nature, hell, A----- is attractive and H------- is a hard-on, as long as they do not speak. Selfish…

Now I am watching Richard Pryor Live in Concert, my hero.

b L o o m d a i L y
I was arrested today for “obstructing w/o force” which is to say I was walking across the Lee Bridge in my fabric piece and made it across the bridge until an officer announced on his speaker to “stop and show me your hands.” I kept walking, which in other cities they simply watch and leave me be; seeing I am innocuous. However, this officer decided to pull over, draw his gun, and threaten “to put a bullet in you.” Then he proceeded to “show me your hands” then grabbed my hands and forced me down. After which he pulled my hand behind me, cuffed it, and said, “give me your hand or I’ll break this one.” I gave him my hand. He stood me up and proceeded to unzip my fabric and expose my head.

My sculpture was broken. I then began to speak and respond to his questions. Name, number, SSN, I told him the name of the piece: bloom, which he wrote down.

I imagine the embarrassment, however, I fear I am in the wrong in a very detrimental way. The threats this one officer continued to offer “take you to Tuckers,” “you know what they’ll do to you” put on rubber gloves like he was going to strip-search me. “I was gonna put a bullet in you” is your “art worth dying over?”

I don’t know how to respond to threats so I didn’t.

I may owe the officer an amends for putting him in that position; however, I will talk with Lee about the proper way. In this situation, I created an event for others to be and I am responsible for that. I am not responsible should they get too far-gone from their own fears.

They made me keep my piece broken or he would “have to take you and let you stay with the boys downtown ‘in that.”

I was scared. I could not respond to his threats. His sergeant offered some peace. “Give us a call if you are going to do this again” “so we can know if any disturbances are real.”

I was, am scared. I feel God is calling me out. Art work no longer simply personal development. Artwork as personal development through God to be the solution to our community as the community needs?

I am scared. I walked, broken to the gallery and finished.

C---- was there and invited us to a panel discussion about handguns and our community.

S---- on the panel spoke of the correction of the police. I bonded. I will contact him Monday.

The panel was wonderful discussion, to let us know that we are the solution. Our being and continue through our fears with God or Higher Power if you choose or your own understanding as guide. That fears that close our mind, willingness, and action.

We continue to act with God through our fears, which is why I feel bad for this officer. He had no tools, God, faith, patience to fall back on or call to side to help him be okay within his situation.

So the panel discussions then rest at the hotel.

Then to add to this day is taking RV home. Sharing the day with the roommate then going back to the hotel.

Sex with A----- and H-------; we rudely started while B---- was there. He left. I called him later just recently to discuss. I am not always sure he is honest with his disappointment in me sometimes.

Anyway, it was very casual sex; literally not passionate or hot; casual. H------- was very nervous and needed and wanted guidance. I tried and had a little. I almost feel bad for not giving her an exciting first threesome, however, she said she gives 5 chances to learn if it’s any good or not. I would enjoy that chance. I will enjoy that chance? Who knows, God?

And he is whom I prayed to during that: to be with them through him, to be as he would need me, or as I need be, for me, for H-------, A-----, B----. To be as those need us to be and I am one of those.

TO BE AS THOSE NEED US TO BE AND

I am one of those.

Thank you, God.