02/05/05 – bLoom has begun. I am bathing. Woke up and practiced tomorrows sculpture movement and realized that bloom is more about worship; coming, falling into one’s own, not through self and only through God, worship, praise of a higher power, humility. Call it by any means they are the same; a rose is a rose.
Yesterday began with anger and nerves. Puked bile in the morning after my teeth brushing and grabbed RV and off to the gallery. My task was to hang M. Laine's slips. What a pain in the ass. If you are an artist and want to have your piece shown; install it yourself or make it accessible to install. After several hours of wrestling with it, RV suggested its’ present view. 61 slips are displayed of the original 200 I believe. Thanks RV.
Then took RV and myself to VSU and met sculptor L------- for lunch. Work on presentation of self, L-------. Timidity is not necessarily humility; sometimes it is just timid ego. Stand fully and boldly in self with God and people view God through you. That is praise to God in my book.
RV spoke and overwhelmed the students at VSU, and I consider myself to underwhelm. Two ends of the spectrum to get attention, attention for self, attention that others may grab attention, attention for God.
Back to gallery, RV nap, and piece preparation. Friends in, show on, bloom begins. I got re-patterned a week ago and my mind and body feel looser, open, clear: prayer and breathing, strong and weakening. As the cold wore me down, my breathing sped up and as that my prayers quickened. It took a lot of will to breath and prays properly.
After the show at drinks with women, I learn it is not such a turn on. “So talk about your piece and what is going on in your mind.” What! I want to just suck on some titties, slap some ass, and maybe make out. Oh fuck; even the love and attention at the gallery from some breasts and I still have to woo them to get ‘em into bed. Not interested, you need to be hotter and I need to be humbler. Sorry.
I am worried I am picking up too many RV traits. Moving too quickly, rather than creating space to pull people in. God guide me.
The usual crowd, the usual response; what is the next direction, God? Where to now? Help.
Forgive me, I should know where to go but do not. Walk with me, as I worship tomorrow at bloom, as I walk today to bloom, as I fear I may never.
Show me the way.
I would like to be briefer in these writings. Funny I need to assert that as I begin to elaborate because I have time.
I sit and wait for the piece of the day. Wait for the house to awaken, check emails and get to the gallery. I spoke with A----- this morning and got nervous that I did not have enough time.
People and swallowing time and to be with people and to be with time. Time through people scares me. People through time do as well.
Time through people is living.
People through time are art.
What about space? The issue of space, time creates that as well, enough time with space and it gets filled and fulfilled.
Heady, I am beginning to think. I apologize. This is not necessary. Art6 mission is.